Insanity
by Ice1taru
Summary: usagi has to go through so much trouble as a senshi, a teenager, a girlfriend.. this is her story.. oneshot


Title: Insanity 

Author: Ice1Taru

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.

AN: Uhh, hey everyone. This is my first fic. I'm kinda new at this, so please be nice, k? The plot may seem sorta.. unusual at first, but the thing is I was feeling down when I wrote it, I hope you'll enjoy it, and if you don't enjoy it, you can just email me and lemme kow how terrible it is, k? if you review, I will be forever grateful..

Note to the person that forced me into writing a fic today, my very evil best friend, Lady EvilNess: THERE! I DID IT! i wrote the fic:P Oh, btw, that story on Hotaru, im working on that one as well, but the problem is when i wrote the chapters, the first chapter sounded like it should be the second chapter, so I uh.. cough had to make some changes.. (") hehe, that'll be out later..

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Insanity by Ice1Taru

You know how one day it's raining hard as hell. The lightning is striking harder than you've ever seen before. The thunder's louder than usual as well. And on that one rainy day, you have to be inside, because your parents are afraid that if you step one foot outside the door, you'll catch a cold. Most people hate days like these.

But not me. I love days like these. These are the days when you can just sit by your window, and watch the rain spilling from the heavens above. Days like these when you can think about your life. Think about the things that have happened to you. I guess you're wondering what my story is. Well, here it is.

I am Tsukino Usagi. I have long, silky, blonde hair that cascades all the way down to my knees, but I always have it tied up in a meatball style bun on each side of my head. I have baby blue eyes as clear as the sky on a sunny day. My skin is so clear and white. My legs are so long, I can run faster than any of my classmates, though I think my brisk running is due to the fact that I am late to school almost everyday and I try and run to make it before the bell. Most guys want me, but they only want me for my beauty.

But my heart was taken and now it's broken. Chiba Mamoru used to love me. He loved me for who I was or so I thought he did. I am Sailor Moon, Princess Serenity from the Moon Kingdom, and future Neo-Queen Serenity of Crystal Tokyo. And if all that isn't enough trouble and responsibility, then you should know that I had to be stuck with Mamoru for four damn years. We were in love. We were destined to be together. Hell, we even had a daughter in the future.

But all that's gone now.

Last week, I bumped into him on my way to school. As usual, when I got up, I leaned up and put my arms around his neck so that we may kiss. I expected him to put his arms around me and kiss me. But the kiss never came. He calmly removed my arms from his neck. I stood there, confused. Then, as if he were talking to a mere child, he said, "Usagi, I don't think we should see each other any more." For a second, I stared him, stunned. "But.. but.. WHY Mamo-chan?!", I stuttered. "First of all, my name is Mamoru. Second of all, I don't love you, you're so childish, clumsy, immature and I could just go on and on, but I won't embarrass you in the middle of the street, in front of all these people", Mamoru replied sarcastically. By that time, I had tears streaming down my face. Never in my life had I been so humiliated, depressed, angry, or confused. And by then, I couldn't take the hateful look he was giving me. So I ran as fast as I could away from him. I ran to the park and made my way to the rose gardens; my one and only sanctuary. That day, I missed school. Sitting in the rose gardens made me feel at ease. The sweet aroma of different colors of roses; yellow, red, pink, white.

After school, my friends came to check on me. They knew I loved the rose gardens, so that was the first place they checked. They stayed and comforted me for hours. I'm glad I have such wonderful friends, they love me and care about me. When night fell, we were all sitting cross-legged in the rose gardens, talking about anything but Mamoru.

Suddenly, we heard the screams of a little girl coming from the other side of the park. So we all transformed and ran to the other end of the park. Such a horror met our eyes. There was a huge octopus-like creature, sucking the life out of a little girl. It was surrounded by about 20 dead people. I wanted to cry my heart out right there. So many innocent people, dead. But I didn't cry. Ami ran over to a dead body and tried scanning it, but no useful information appeared on her mini-computer. Then she tried scanning the monster, while rei and minako tried various attacking the monster.

"Mars Fire Ignite!", Rei yelled as a magnificent flame shot out of her fingertips and hit the monster on it's chest, it staggered backward and dropped the little girl. "Venus Love Chain!", Minako yelled, a love chain made of golden hearts shot out of her fingertips and wrapped itself around 4 of the moster's tentacles, Minako pulled the love chain and the tentacles flew halfway across the park.

Then it was my turn to finish it off. As I grabbed my scepter, the monster had recovered and was now staring at me. It muttered something incoherent and a ball of see-through jelly appeared in between two of it's tentacles. Before I knew what was happening, the monster threw the ball of jelly at me so fast that I thought it would be impossible to get out of the way.

Then, Tuxedo Mask appeared out of nowhere and pushed me out of the way. I was so happy at that moment, thinking that he still cared about me. I gazed tenderly into his eyes, hoping he would do the same and say that what had happened that morning was all just a joke or something. But he just looked at me bemusedly and bit out the words, "Yo, Meatballhead! Finish it off already! Damn, you are SO clumsy! And to think that YOU'RE the moon princess. 20 people have died! If you weren't so absorbed in another meaningless self inflicted psychological trauma, then you could have been here earlier!"

As he looked at me with so much malice in his eyes, and so much exasperation in his voice, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I turned away from him before any of the tears could spill out of my eyes. I ran to the monster and stopped when I was only 10 feet away from it. I took out my scepter and muttered "Moon Scepter Elimination!" and the monster was blown to pieces. Jelly splattered everywhere. All my friends were cheering for me for being so brave. I just smiled weakly at them and walked back towards where tux had been. Yet, when I looked around, he wasnt anywhere to be found. Then I saw a rose, the color of the purest red sticking out of the ground, where he had been. I picked it up, and as I started to stroke it's velvety soft petals; one by one, all the petals fell out. Once again, I began to feel tears well up in my eyes. I quickly wiped the tears away and bid my friends good night. Then I disappeared into the shadows of the night.

That night, I didn't sleep, I kept on thinking about what he had said to me that day, his words echoing in my mind. For a whole week, I've skipped school, but I don't care. I've been wandering around Tokyo, the edges of my soul restless and lost. My heart full of pain and sorrow. My mind on the verge of insanity. My body feels empty, lacking warmth, the warmth that only Mamoru can provide me with. Yet, I feel peaceful at the same time. I had been stuck with him for four whole years of my wonderous youth. The years I could have spent with another. Yes, I loved Mamoru. But I never felt that he loved me as much as I loved him. I'm 18 now and still a damned virgin. Most people lose virginity by the age of 14 or at least 16. But me? No, i still have my damn virginity. He wouldn't even let me go near another guy, and why? because he was in love with Serenity. I look like her. I am her, just another version of her, that is.

I wanted to fuck Mamoru, really, I did. So many nights, I had dreams of us; making love under the stars on the beach, the wind blowing gently. I had many dreams like this one. God, how I loved him. I still love him. But my heart wanders. I do not want to walk around aimlessly for the rest of my life thinking about him. I want to be free. I want to live and laugh. I just want to be a normal teenager. Is that too much to ask? All these years, I've been wooed by many guys, but I ignored them, thinking that Mamoru was the one for me. I've been a fool. Lost in a world of my responsibilities, my future, my future daughter. I was lost in Mamoru's love. But what hurts me the most is that none of it was true. He never wanted me. He wanted his precious Serenity. Over my dead body! He'll never get her. If I am gone, then she will be gone as well. Only memories will remain.

I feel that my insanity is growing as I look outside my window and see the rain and wind thrashing around in the streets and the roads are so drenched that there are no cars in sight. At this point, I have lost my zest for life. I feel like going outside in the rain and taking a nice walk. Maybe the harsh wind and cool water will cleanse my body of all this sorrow that Mamoru has put into me. It's funny how one person can do so much damage without lifting a finger...

The End

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AN: Well, there you have it, Insanity.. I hope you liked it. sighs I hope no one thinks I'm insane by now, coz if you do, then, um.. I'll have you know that.. that.. umm.. that.. the fic says nothing about the author! Ha! Um, yeah, ne wayz, feel free to express yourself, that's why we have email and reviews. But, uh, if you really hate it, please don't send me viruses, my poor computer can't take any more.. heh, yeah, ne wayz..

Ice1Taru


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